You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
