I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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