Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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