I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got chris browned last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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