nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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