hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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