Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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