We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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