You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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