I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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