Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
