They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Boobs are out for the taking
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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