You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
