You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
