Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
