I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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