A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
