every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.