Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan