so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration