But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos