I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
