also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I faked an abortion last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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