Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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