Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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