haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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