I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
