I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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