just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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