whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
