You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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