You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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