That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
