He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
