Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
