We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
