so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
