i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my liver is dry heaving
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
