he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There r osticjed everywhere
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
