IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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