If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
