oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
