apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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