The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
