i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
