I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to calm my uterus...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
