i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
