can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
