I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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