if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
