My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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