i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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