LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
