yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
