i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
should my penis look like a turkey
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
