i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
