mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
