And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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