you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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