OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
