I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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