woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
