My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
