plz talk dirty to me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
