I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
