just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
