Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
