DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk is not a location!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
