mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
