I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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