Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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