Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
